Modern dating has moved out of the kitchen and into the fast food section. Increasingly younger women are rejecting the role of cook and bottle washer. Today’s young woman is not asking herself if she should have a career, instead she is asking “What career should I have?” While juggling studies and professional aspirations they’re not giving up on parenting; they’re just not as willing to parent their partners. Young women looking to marry want the white picket fence, two kids, two cars and the dog. They just don’t want to do the housework. At least not all of it, all the time.
The traditional sitcom scene where the front door opens and the hard-working partner appears, briefcase in hand, calling, “Honey I’m home” now stars the female, not the man of the house. And for those super-lucky ladies who have a man in their life that can cook, he’s the one greeting her with a soothing drink and dinner on the table. The question is how are men taking this? Are they content to be house-husbands, co-caregivers and cook? We could also ask if the men are cooking as compensation for all the hot bedroom action they get as a reward. Sadly, the answer is a resounding, “No!”
What Women Want and Get
An internet survey conducted by the Love & Sex team a few years ago showed that both the men and the women who responded were willing to trade in the great sex for other qualities such as fidelity and responsibility. They’re not even looking for a hot, sexy partner in return. Most respondents said they would not choose the sexy man or woman over the trustworthy, loving partner. Similar responses were reported in a Jamaica Gleaner vox pop on the subject. It seems what we look for in a girlfriend/boyfriend is not the same thing that we look for in a spouse. It seems that we would easily bypass the A- listers for a less attractive model that will be less desired by others.
Essentially we are afraid of the competition and want to be cared for. The question still remains, “Do men want a woman who can be a lady in the living room, a gourmet in the kitchen and a seductress in the bedroom?” Well, you guessed it.
It depends on the man and his own professional aspirations. Young, professional men today may want all of those things but they are smart enough to realize that the professional women they marry may not deliver in all those areas in their 20’s. The irony is however if you ask these same young men what they look forward to in marriage they will universally respond, “Good sex”. It’s clear that what we say in public is not always what we actually choose in reality.
Getting it Right
So, what’s the answer? Do the laundry in your lingerie and spice up those cooking aprons. Try a little role-play (French Maid, Hot Butler). Make sure that the children don’t dominate your entire day and your conversations. We know they’re cute but not as cute as your hubby or your wife. Take a night off and go to a hotel for some alone time. Keep it fresh, be spontaneous.
Remember the things that made you both fall head over heels for each other and send each other sext messages as a reminder. Take a cooking class together and make it a date to cook for each other. Start with breakfast in bed, always such a great idea, even if it’s just cereal, fruits and kisses.
A Girl Just Like Mom
Speaking of reality, I am constantly surprised by the number of young professional women who say they can’t cook, don’t cook and don’t intend to learn to cook. Unfortunately these same women may hear their partners singing a different tune when the children come along and as the marriage progresses. Ask a slightly older group of men in their 40’s and you will hear them loudly praising any woman who can cook and does cook, and this of course includes Mom.
So the 25 year old females who won’t cook may not have much competition in marriage from the pretty girl next door, but stick around long enough and you will be competing with Mom for his affections after the kids and the dirty diapers.
Simply put, the girl who brings the full package to the table still wins the prize even if she doesn’t do it all, all the time. Your best bet is if Mom turns out to be a career woman just like you who doesn’t care for the kitchen much and Dad turns out to be the gourmet.
And now a word of caution, ladies. The research shows that the more we engage in caregiving the less erotic we all become. Therapist and researcher Dr Perel studies the erotic couple and warns us that the more domestic we become the harder it is to remember to also be erotic. The equation is more domesticity equals less sexiness. It’s a hard equation to balance and today’s couple has a big juggling act to perform between becoming workaholics, family focused and invitingly seductive. It may mean that the young Mom and Dad will have to find ways of making housework sexy and finding ways of getting things done smarter at work so that they leave time for the bedroom.
Share this post:
Modern dating has moved out of the kitchen and into the fast food section. Increasingly younger women are rejecting the role of cook and bottle washer. Today’s young woman is not asking herself if she should have a career, instead she is asking “What career should I have?” While juggling studies and professional aspirations they’re not giving up on parenting; they’re just not as willing to parent their partners. Young women looking to marry want the white picket fence, two kids, two cars and the dog. They just don’t want to do the housework. At least not all of it, all the time.
The traditional sitcom scene where the front door opens and the hard-working partner appears, briefcase in hand, calling, “Honey I’m home” now stars the female, not the man of the house. And for those super-lucky ladies who have a man in their life that can cook, he’s the one greeting her with a soothing drink and dinner on the table. The question is how are men taking this? Are they content to be house-husbands, co-caregivers and cook? We could also ask if the men are cooking as compensation for all the hot bedroom action they get as a reward. Sadly, the answer is a resounding, “No!”
What Women Want and Get
An internet survey conducted by the Love & Sex team a few years ago showed that both the men and the women who responded were willing to trade in the great sex for other qualities such as fidelity and responsibility. They’re not even looking for a hot, sexy partner in return. Most respondents said they would not choose the sexy man or woman over the trustworthy, loving partner. Similar responses were reported in a Jamaica Gleaner vox pop on the subject. It seems what we look for in a girlfriend/boyfriend is not the same thing that we look for in a spouse. It seems that we would easily bypass the A- listers for a less attractive model that will be less desired by others.
Essentially we are afraid of the competition and want to be cared for. The question still remains, “Do men want a woman who can be a lady in the living room, a gourmet in the kitchen and a seductress in the bedroom?” Well, you guessed it.
It depends on the man and his own professional aspirations. Young, professional men today may want all of those things but they are smart enough to realize that the professional women they marry may not deliver in all those areas in their 20’s. The irony is however if you ask these same young men what they look forward to in marriage they will universally respond, “Good sex”. It’s clear that what we say in public is not always what we actually choose in reality.
Getting it Right
So, what’s the answer? Do the laundry in your lingerie and spice up those cooking aprons. Try a little role-play (French Maid, Hot Butler). Make sure that the children don’t dominate your entire day and your conversations. We know they’re cute but not as cute as your hubby or your wife. Take a night off and go to a hotel for some alone time. Keep it fresh, be spontaneous.
Remember the things that made you both fall head over heels for each other and send each other sext messages as a reminder. Take a cooking class together and make it a date to cook for each other. Start with breakfast in bed, always such a great idea, even if it’s just cereal, fruits and kisses.
A Girl Just Like Mom
Speaking of reality, I am constantly surprised by the number of young professional women who say they can’t cook, don’t cook and don’t intend to learn to cook. Unfortunately these same women may hear their partners singing a different tune when the children come along and as the marriage progresses. Ask a slightly older group of men in their 40’s and you will hear them loudly praising any woman who can cook and does cook, and this of course includes Mom.
So the 25 year old females who won’t cook may not have much competition in marriage from the pretty girl next door, but stick around long enough and you will be competing with Mom for his affections after the kids and the dirty diapers.
Simply put, the girl who brings the full package to the table still wins the prize even if she doesn’t do it all, all the time. Your best bet is if Mom turns out to be a career woman just like you who doesn’t care for the kitchen much and Dad turns out to be the gourmet.
And now a word of caution, ladies. The research shows that the more we engage in caregiving the less erotic we all become. Therapist and researcher Dr Perel studies the erotic couple and warns us that the more domestic we become the harder it is to remember to also be erotic. The equation is more domesticity equals less sexiness. It’s a hard equation to balance and today’s couple has a big juggling act to perform between becoming workaholics, family focused and invitingly seductive. It may mean that the young Mom and Dad will have to find ways of making housework sexy and finding ways of getting things done smarter at work so that they leave time for the bedroom.
Share this post: