Below we have compiled 13 of the Funniest Quotes/Jokes from the now deceased Joan Rivers:
I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’. He said, “I don’t want to wake you up.
My husband killed himself. And it was my fault. We were making love and I took the bag off my head.
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
A man can sleep around, no questions asked. But if a woman makes 19 or 20 mistakes, she’s a tramp.
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ’My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
All I ever heard when I was a kid was, ‘Why can’t you be more like your cousin Sheila?’ And Sheila had died at birth.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I have so little sex appeal my gynecologist calls me ‘sir.’
I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My make-up team is nominated for Best Special Effects.
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Below we have compiled 13 of the Funniest Quotes/Jokes from the now deceased Joan Rivers:
I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’. He said, “I don’t want to wake you up.
My husband killed himself. And it was my fault. We were making love and I took the bag off my head.
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
A man can sleep around, no questions asked. But if a woman makes 19 or 20 mistakes, she’s a tramp.
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ’My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
All I ever heard when I was a kid was, ‘Why can’t you be more like your cousin Sheila?’ And Sheila had died at birth.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I have so little sex appeal my gynecologist calls me ‘sir.’
I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My make-up team is nominated for Best Special Effects.
Share this post: