Growing up, I used to hear the adage ‘children must be seen and not be heard.’ And while I have my own reservations with this Victorian phrase, it was all I could think about on the Miami leg of a flight I took coming back from El Salvador – because of the young passenger in seat 23B.
In Jamaican parlance – di likkle boy rude, he ripe and him busy body suh til! Every second you’d hear someone saying to him “sit please,” “be quiet please,” “no – please don’t do that.” But just when we thought he maxed the insolence barometer, he poured his juice onto the seat tray and proceeded to slurp it up very loudly with a straw. Could that be your child?
Now as the mother of a 3 year son and a 5 year old daughter, I admit that these cute, testy little people will cross lines, test boundaries and push limits every chance they get, but that’s a part of growing up and figuring out the world around them. So it’s our jobs as parents, guardians, grown-ups to establish healthy boundaries, limits and, yes –consequences.
Here are some a few Buzz thoughts on establishing boundaries with your kids:
Be clear about your boundaries: I’m blown away every time a parent says their toddler doesn’t go to bed until 11pm or later. Really, where does that child work? Setting a realistic bedtime is healthy for them and gives you more
time for yourself.
Start early: Hitting, spitting, kicking are never acceptable. So when your 3-month old munchkin slaps you in your face, don’t laugh and turn the other cheek for a double take. It might seem cute but you’re reinforcing a bad behaviour.
Establish your ‘thing’: I think every parent needs a ‘thing. My mother’s thing was the look. Once we get the look, we knew we needed to take a giant step in the opposite direction back over the boundary real quick.
Lead by example: Model the behaviour you want to see in your kids. If you tend to shout, how do expect them not to shout? If you’re always completing tasks last minute, are you teaching them to plan? And how do you teach them to be clean value their stuff when you throw your stuff down around the house?
Buzzz Magazine went a little further by getting examples from some moms and dads on how they establish boundaries with their kids.
Antonia Graham-Drinkall (mother of 2-year old daughter), Group Head of Public Relations, Digicel
It’s super important to try to establish boundaries – even if just to emphasise that you are the adult and they are the child and that means you’re in charge…! With our two year old daughter Lola, our most important task is to make sure she has good manners. We are very hot on the ‘pleases’ and ‘thank yous’ in our house, on being respectful of everyone and on ensuring good listening skills. The hope is that those basics will provide the foundations with which she can understand her boundaries, act accordingly and be a happy and a well adjusted little girl. Wish us luck!
Damion Haber (father of 19 year old daughter and 15 year old son), IT Specialist
My wife and I set age-appropriate boundaries starting from very early. As toddlers for example these included not talking to strangers, knocking on closed doors and wait to be acknowledged before entering etc. In high school, social events were not allowed if grades were consistently not made and cursing, smoking or hard liquor consumption were not accepted and R (and obviously X- rated) rated films were not allowed until age 16 in most cases.
To Read More: Purchase your copy of Volume 9 #2 – May – June 2017