Countless women are faced with the problem of being in long-term relationships with men who simply will not take their commitment to the next level. Years have passed and frustration has set in on your part, as you feel that you are wasting your best years. You begin to think that you are being used, and in your most frantic moments, you wonder if that noise in the back of your mind is the sound of your biological clock ticking away.
So why is he ignoring your demands for wedded bliss? Why is he holding out and why won’t he propose? Buzzz polled more than a dozen confirmed bachelors for the real scoop on why some men continue to dodge the wedding bullet, despite stating that the woman in their life is the one they intend to settle down with.
First of all, they don’t want to be rushed. The more you pressure them, the more they will resist. Men like to do things in their own time and in their own way. Therefore, applying the screws or dropping obvious hints like bridal magazines on the coffee table beside the Sunday papers won’t get you the desired results.
“It’s just a piece of paper,” is one of the popular sentiments expressed by men who are afraid of the “M” word. They argue that you do not need a piece of paper to properly plan the rest of your life. A marriage certificate, they say, should never be used to decide whether “happily ever after” can be achieved, as happiness is dependent on the effort put into the relationship and not on some paperwork stipulated by the society we live in.
Another reason given by men is that “marriage changes people”, and by “people” they really mean women. Too many married men complain that the minute they said “I do”, their partner is transformed into a totally different person. The things she used to be cool with now become a problem. All of a sudden, she doesn’t want you to hang out with your friends as much as before. On top of it, she no longer wears sexy lingerie to bed and now sports curlers and “granny panties” instead. And the biggest indictment against married women is that when they get that prized ring, the sex goes out the window!
Does the old saying “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” ring a bell? Well, as controversial as that adage may be, it does hold true in some respects. Many women who “shack up” with men in common law unions find it harder to get their partners to consider the next logical step of marriage, even after five, ten or fifteen years together. These women complain of being housewives, housekeepers and caregivers to their children with no thanks, appreciation or “reward” at the end of the day.
To ensure that you don’t get despondent or depressed over his lack of interest in marriage, it is important that you continue to progress as an individual. You need to keep your own time, hobbies and passions in order for him to continue to find you interesting. Have some “me time” and refrain from nagging. Most importantly, do not allow the lack of a ring make you feel like you are any less of a person. In other words, getting married should not be your life’s goal, but simply another chapter in life’s journey.
And if, with all of this, another year has come and gone and still no proposal, move on. If marriage means that much to you and you realise it is something that he is not interested in, then you are with the wrong person.