When you were collecting your college degree, he was probably still wearing diapers. Your first child is in his age group and they both share a passion for video games.
If you are faced with these issues, chances are you are dating a man more than ten years your junior. While society has become accustomed to seeing the older, successful man with his younger “arm candy”, they may not be so accepting of the role reversal where an older woman dates a younger guy.
This has been happening for as long as men and women have been hooking up, but back in the old days, women were afraid to be ostracised and ridiculed about it. So they hid these so-called illicit affairs or relationships. Well…step into the 21st century! Women in their 30s, 40s, 50s and even 60s are more independent and confident than ever before. They are in touch with their sexuality and are no longer willing to let society dictate who they can take to bed. Meet the “cougars” of the new millennium.
The term “cougar” is an American slang for older women who are said to be on the prowl for hard bodied, supple young males. It was formerly known as the “Mrs. Robinson” syndrome (taken from the movie “The Graduate”). These women are not your typical “pop dung” looking types of three decades ago. With improved diet, exercise and (in a few cases) even plastic surgery, older women are giving younger girls a run for their money in the looks department. However, their action is often viewed as a predatory practice based on sexual satisfaction and not substance.
But why are they seen as predators? Older men have been luring young women for decades with “bling”, cars and the promise of monetary gain and for the most part. The only grief that these men get when they are seen in public with their pretty young thing is the occasional raised eye brow. When the shoe is on the other foot, tongues wag non stop.
A few older women have stated that men their age are often threatened by their success. Their independence is viewed negatively, since the men cannot use money to control them. In other words, she does not NEED him and, therefore, will not put up with his idiosyncrasies or bad habits.Belinda* is a forty something insurance agent whose 22-year-old boyfriend Tony* of 8 months recently got a job as a chef in one of Kingston’s largest hotel. He works on a shift, but still finds the time to “sort out” Belinda whenever she needs him too. “All my children are grown, so I have the house to myself. When we get together, you would be surprised at the tricks this old dog can still do,” she jocularly quipped.
As a woman ages, she is more in tune with what she needs, and most women verbalise the need for a competent and virile partner. She gets better with experience and by the time she hits forty, she exudes a sexual confidence that younger men finds inexplicably appealing. Hence, she is not preying on him, as he is equally attracted to her and gets as much pleasure.
Marcia*, whose 29-year-old “boy toy” is currently a policeman, says that nothing turns her on more than to see him step through the door in full uniform. “That thing you heard about women loving men in uniform is spot on. I don’t know what it is, but seeing his firm butt snug in his pants always gives me a rush. I guess I also love being with a man whose job is so dangerous. You know he is competent on the road to survive, so he must be competent in bed as well!”
Not all young men are after money, as some younger fellows can hold their own in the financial department. The union of Aston Kutcher and Demi Moore is perhaps the most famous example of an older-woman-younger-man pairing in this respect. Another plus for younger men is that they are also not set in their ways and more willing to please.
Jennifer* is actually a bar maid whose 25-year-old boy friend Mark* earns considerably more than her as a freelance graphic artist. For her, it was his independent thinking that caught her attention. Upon learning what she did for a living, he never judged her or “got fresh”. Most men her age are quick to pass their place under the presumption that all they had to do was buy her a drink and she would be theirs for the taking.
“He actually listens when I speak. He may not be the neatest of men, but he more than makes up for this with the fact that he respects me as an individual. That, to me, is so sexy.”
* Name changed on request.