Dirty Little Secrets

Most housewives and talk show junkies will tell you that nothing screams drama and controversy more than a good episode of Maury. Every morning he serves up juicy stories about his guests’ relationships that can make you forget your daily chores. These juicy secrets are sometimes so life altering that they can shatter a relationship or a marriage and one wonders why would seemingly normal people come on national television and air these dirty little secrets. These secrets have the potential to change lives, break up families and turn Facebook status from
married to separated or divorced!

BUZZZ Magazine got the scoop from some individuals who disclosed their own dirty secrets and how it affected their lives and relationships.

Jermaine* was a Christian who was happily married and a father of three. To the outside world he and his wife seemed to have it all, him being a life insurance agent afforded him the luxury of not being tied down by a 9 – 5 so he was home at odd hours during the day and even though they had help, would do his share around the house. So you can imagine his wife’s surprise when one day she didn’t feel well and came home early to find her husband all dressed up…in her clothes! Full make-up, panties, stocking, earrings and bra; preening and singing in front of their bedroom mirror. Oh the horror! Shaunnah* had been married for 3 years before her niece turned up from the country for the holidays. At first her husband was caught off guard by how much her niece resembled her, but he simply thought that their family genes were very strong. Yes, they were indeed very strong as after having the teenager there for the summer, Shaunnah announced to him that she didn’t want to send her back to the country in the bush to live but wanted her to have a good education because…here’s the kicker, her niece was actually her daughter that she had had at age 14 and left with her grandmother to raise!

Family therapist Evan Imber-Black wrote in ‘Psychology Today’ that there is no question that family secrets can be painful and destructive but in order to soften the blow, the person has to think long and hard about when and how it should be revealed. In other words, resist the temptation to blurt them out at special events and transition times such as weddings, graduations, funerals and the birth of a baby.

“There are several ways that family secrets scar its members and even permanently estrange them from each other as secrets can discourage individuals from sharing information with anyone outside the family; prohibit the formation of intimate relationships and freeze development at crucial points in life thus preventing real growth of self and self worth” Imber-Black advises.

hat emotional scar was all too real for Latoya*. After being married for ten months, her husband Brian felt the need to migrate to America to make a better life for the family. Though they skyped all the times she missed him terribly but would not complain as he was doing his best for their future. It was therefore a kick in the gut the day a woman inboxed her on Facebook to say that she was Brian’s wife and she would appreciate Layota stop emailing and calling her husband. Sure enough when she checked the woman’s Facebook page, there were wedding pictures of Brian and this second wife all over the internet. Wife number two was even expecting and her baby bump was protruding nicely. While Brian is busy living the American dream, there is the small problem of bigamy that he will have to contend with in the future.

Chester* has been trying for nine years to get his girlfriend pregnant. He has had every examination possible ran on him and was told that all his little ‘swimmers’ are in good working order and that his girl must come in for her examination to ensure that all is well but he cannot for the life of him figure out why she is so reluctant to go to the doctor. As another of his friends became a proud papa over the recent holidays, Chester finally lost his patience with Annette* and told her that he was taking her to the gynaecologist. That was when she finally broke down in tears and confessed that she had had her tubes tied when she was 25 because she had no interest in having kids. A devastated Chester moved out and stopped taking her phone calls.

Crystal* thought Matthew was the perfect man – good looking, articulate and rich. He was a respected stock broker with an apartment in New Kingston. She had no problem leaving Duhaney Park to join him in luxury and so at first she ignored the many phone calls at odds hours.

Matthew seemed on edge but she figured he was just oveworked. She nearly had a heart attack the day bailiffs knocked on the door and handed her papers which stated that the bank was repossessing the home and they had two weeks to vacate the premises. A defeated Matthew then revealed that not only was he broke, but he was in debt to the tune of a couple millions owing to bad investments not only with his personal money but his clients as well.

While secrets can shake the foundation of even the strongest of relationships, its revelation can actually be cathartic for the person making the revelation. Over time, the burden of carrying it may overwhelm them so releasing that burden or weight is the first step on the road to healing. Family Counsellor Margaret Morgan who has for the past fifteen years been dealing with couples in therapy, shared that for many, revealing that shameful secret is not a betrayal but a necessity. “You have to realize that everybody has secrets. We all do. We all have things we don’t wish the world to know about us but it is just that for most of us, our secrets do not affect the lives of others.