Heartbreaks are life’s battle scars. Some people have a single wound, while others are heavily decorated like a five-star general. Some can provide a detailed history of how each scar was acquired, while others bury them in the farthest crevices of the heart. Many (myself included) have ‘bawled’ their eyes out while listening to Toni Braxton’s ‘Un-Break My Heart’ and believed that love would never find them again, but somehow time passes by, and before they know it, they are once again enamored.
When faced with heartbreak, it is natural for human beings to self-heal. Crying, walking listlessly, temporarily retreating to a quiet place, and compartmentalizing or talking about the bad experience are all great self-copying measures that are as natural to us as breathing, it helps us to get back up on the horse and take another shot at love. But what happens when we ignore the red flags in a relationship, denying ourselves the opportunity to self-heal by clinging on longer than is humanly tolerable to a toxic relationship?
Over time, the broken heart becomes the fuel for a broken mind. You slowly become sold on the idea that you are unlovable; there are no good ‘singles’ out there; it is best not to give your all in a relationship, and only you can be trusted. Slowly, logically and purposefully, you blind your eyes to the possibilities of love. You witness life throwing curveballs at others, forcing love to pass the batting prowess of the philophobic into the heart’s strike zone. A sneer escapes your lips because you know that happiness will be short-lived. You strongly believe there is no such thing as love because you thought you found it, clung to it, fought for it, but it turned out to be a counterfeit, a gold-plated frivolous thing. In the words of Dolly Parton, “broken dreams are all it seems you’ve ever known and hurts the only thing you can depend upon and… you should find misery to be your only friend…” but read on my friend, it is still possible to find your happily ever after.
The key to finding love the second, third, fourth._ time around is learning to let go of past hurt, unfulfilled promises, regrets, and choosing to move forward. This is easier said than done but embrace the heart-breaking experience as a character-defining moment. No one can live their life freely while still holding on to baggage.
The world isn’t conspiring against you! The person sitting across from you on the bus or passing you by on the street has had their fair share of heartbreaks. They say age teaches wisdom, but it is a real experience that teaches the knowledge, and although you were a poor choice of character in the past, this does not mean that you will continue to choose poorly. We evolve, we grow, we learn from our mistakes, and we press on without fear because the heart has already known pain. Should you fail, the second time around, losing love will not be as devastating as the first, so step forward in faith and with confidence.
Many have left abusive relationships and have found happiness with a new partner. This can be your reality as well if you start believing that you are deserving of happiness. The law of attraction is real. Rewire your thought process and vehemently shout, “I am deserving of love, and I am the chief architect of my happiness!”