Let’s talk about sex, baby. Let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be.
A show of hands of everyone who has a problem talking about the good things in their sex life with a partner (Cue the crickets). Now a show of hands of those who have a problem talking about the bad (Nervous coughs and sheepishly hands go up).
Talking about the good things in your sex life is a walk in the park but no one wants to trample egos and admit, “Well honey, I’ve been faking it”. In a culture where masculinity and femininity are judged by sexual prowess the task is exceedingly daunting.
Fret not, grab a pen and take notes. Let’s put an end to the fake ‘oohs and aahs’. The task is daunting, but it is not impossible.
Drop hints that there is something amiss. Turn down the ‘faking’ dial a notch. For instance, gently suggest other positions or techniques to increase longevity. Use non-verbal cues such as posture and gesture.
If the nonverbal cues are getting you nowhere, pick a neutral location and time to candidly and tactfully talk about the issue. Do not talk about your problems with your sex life in the bedroom, in the earshot of children or relatives and after a ‘hot and steamy’ session of love-making. There is nothing worse than being told after the fact that you were a flop. Ego shattering honesty at the wrong place and time could cost you your relationship.
When you have gathered the courage to talk about your sex life, never point fingers because ‘it takes two to tango’. It is not solely your partner’s responsibility to make sex an enjoyable affair.
Reciprocate by asking him or her what you could do differently. This shows you value your partner’s wants and needs.
Should all efforts fail, seek professional help. A professionally trained third party may help you air and resolve the issues being faced. Also, some sexual issues can be medical issues and talking with a professional may prove enlightening to both parties.
It is never the best option to stay silent. Things left unsaid can often morph into resentment. Not vocalising your wants and needs can be the straw that permanently breaks your relationship. Chances are your partner already knows you are dissatisfied with them in the bedroom, so grab the ‘bull by the horn’ and have that difficult conversation sooner rather than later.Read more in our Vol 10 #4 Edition