We are all guilty of lying to ourselves, especially with matters of the heart. The primal need to feel loved, belong, and stake a claim on something we have no business trying to own often leads us down the path of self-denial. The social stigma attached to being a singleton is so abhorred that persons accept with open arms a marriage baptised in misery, a relationship cloaked in deception, a union that brings physical, emotional and psychological distress and a significant other who is lacking in all departments.
Suddenly you find yourself competing for the attention of your partner, he no longer compliments you, and date nights become infrequent then non-existent. All the tell-tale signs of infidelity rear their ugly heads. Instead of calling a ‘spade a spade’, many are guilty of trivialising the Dr Jekyll and Hyde personality switch, and instead cast blame on the pressures of work. The braver among us look the monster squarely in the eye with rehearsed courage and conviction and say, “I will hang in there for the kids”.
We are untrue to ourselves because we doubt our individual strength. There is also a misconception that exiting a relationship is a regression and humanity the pioneers of technology, the species at the top of the evolutionary chain should always move forward— get married, procreate, achieve professional success and grow old together. We go to bed chanting falsehoods instead of counting sheep: “He or she will change” “I am the problem. I should have done something differently” “If my mother survived, so can I” “It isn’t that bad. I overreacted”. The years pass us by and we lived the life society said we should but the hole we tried to fill with our fables remain and we silently watch our kids make the same mistake.
Yes, we deceive ourselves daily to preserve what should be demolished and we also misrepresent the truth to justify our behaviours. A man or woman with trust issues will have no problem believing that couples should be together all the time. They believe that scrolling through phone messages, stalking you on Instagram, calling you a million times a day are necessary components of a ‘healthy’ relationship. The mendacities can be so convincing that the other partner buys into it and the invasion of privacy is looked upon as a sign of affection.
Then there are the lies to suppress and censor. The half-truths aimed at silencing dissent or portraying an image of relationship utopia because we bought into the fairy tales of happily ever after. Disagreements have no place in a happy home, just ask Cinderella. If she could respond, I imagine her saying, “No one ever penned a story about my after”. It is impossible to live without disagreement, without sacrificing your individuality and doing great harm to your mental state, yet we subconsciously aspire to attain this relationship goal of love built on a fallacy. Why do we deceive ourselves? Why are we so afraid to embrace reality? Why must our will weaken in relationships? Are we afraid of being alone and acknowledging our flaws? We lie to make ourselves feel better.