Trust is perhaps the most fragile element of any intimate relationship. We enter into relationships with the highest ideals and when those ideals are dishonoured, we feel shattered, disillusioned, betrayed. We begin to doubt ourselves and our partner, doubting our judgment and our self-confidence becomes a little shaken. The road to recovery from betrayal is a slow one. What was lost in a matter of seconds, may take years to regain. And sadly, some people just never find the ability to trust again, at least not entirely.
What Does It Mean To Trust?
For many, trusting our partner describes the desire to give control of our safety and decisions over to the other person. We want to be taken care of. For others, it may mean EXPECTING the other person to meet our standards and ideals for a relationship; indeed trust is having an expectation that the other person will meet our emotional, physical and psychological needs for protection. One of the greatest ways trust can be destroyed is through infidelity, which can be both financial and sexual. Both of these are equally disastrous in any long term relationship.
Now here’s the problem with the trust concept. We get to know a relative stranger well enough that we feel comfortable saying, “I give responsibility for my physical, emotional and sexual protection to you”. Not even a parent can do that for their own child once they are grown. Yet fully grown adults expect that from each other. Truth is, we can’t start with trust and expect to be rewarded. We have to face the reality that what we really start with is hope.
We hope that this person will in fact respect and safeguard our feelings and physical self. When our partners live up to that expectation and demonstrate that they are worthy of trust in specific areas, then it becomes wise to make the investment.
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