Ways Men can Ease The Tension Between Their Wife and Mother and Visa Vera

Story by Dani

When you have written enough articles as I have, you sometimes get around to writing about a topic that hits close to home. Having witnessed first-hand the avoidable tension between matriarchs of old and new, I find it both scary and rewarding to honestly offer my two cents on the matter.

Conflict is an ever-present part of life; it is natural and unarguably necessary for growth. However, the fact that conflict arises now and then, by no means suggest that conflict must exist in every relationship nor be allowed to fester to the point of colossal toxicity.

The age-old tension between wives and mothers – women who should be uplifting and supporting each other – is an unnatural phenomenon perpetuated by society and its proclivity to pit women against each other. It is also a subconscious reflection of the perverse nature of masculinity, a disease that thrives on such conflict to massage the ego of the egocentric.

It is mind-boggling to me that most men sit back and watch the women in their lives duke it out with each other. Why would one sit back and watch both parties tear each other down with feral viciousness, if not an innate desire to be the self-important subject of the conflict?

If you are a husband who has determinably seen the errors of your inaction, then I implore you to step up and show up for the two most influential women in your life. It is said that children require strictly established boundaries to thrive. They often resist these boundaries, but it does not make them less critical to their wellbeing. The same rings true for the people closest to you. Establish clear boundaries and be unapologetic about it! If you voice your displeasure, intimate consequences, and enforce a zerotolerance approach, both parties, because of their affection for you, will amend their behaviour accordingly.

Do not be swayed by threats of “it is either her or me”. Threats like these should be rewarded with the door. Neither your wife nor your mother has the right to make this demand. You wouldn’t exist without one, and you wouldn’t experience the joys of fatherhood or an intimate relationship without the other. How could you, within good reason, choose one over the other? If you are inclined to elevate one over the other, make their rankings clear. However, having one ranked above the other should not be an invitation to goad.

Please do not buy into the belief that your wife and mother cannot get along and opt to live with it. That is a weak-minded perspective that will not resolve anything. At the foundation of every good relationship is respect. Your best effort is placed on not only meting out respect to your wife and mother but helping them both appreciate each other’s worth. Find opportunities to highlight their best qualities and find time for both women to interact outside of the token holiday celebration.