Joe has been with Fiona for 15 years. He is the sole breadwinner and Fiona’s trusted confidant. He is the family’s hero even involved in teaching the kids to build things and tucking them into bed at nights. Jennifer married Tom right after University. After the birth of their fourth child, she decided to stay home and take care of the family. The eldest child is about to turn 8.
Although both families have never crossed paths, Fiona and Tom have so much in common: Months ago, both their lives came crashing down when Joe and Jennifer were diagnose with cancer.
When someone is diagnosed with cancer, it is the normal reaction of others to try to console the cancer patient and commend them for their courage to fight the death-wielding disease; and rightly so. However, the disease might have touched one body but more than one heart – mates of cancer fighters are unsung heroes. Their lives, too, have been turned upside down.
Reflecting on the situations at the outset, imagine how devastated and scared Fiona is. Joe is heavily involved in the family. HE is her shoulder to cry on. HE actively engages in the day-to-day life of the children. And, HE is the one with the job; his illness will impact greatly on the family structure and economics.
Tom is used to everything being managed at home. There, his young family is properly cared for, meaning big savings and security. How will he deal with the demands of work, care for a sick wife and his young children?
“Life is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.”
Sadly, the stories mentioned are a reality for many. Cancer can take a toll on a patient’s mate physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically and many ways unimaginable. There is a high risk that the stress of cancer may create problems or worsen those already existing in a relationship.
An obvious physical side effect is on sexuality and intimacy. Cancer patient may be unable to engage in sexual activity due to low drive or just their physical condition. Understandably, this will take a toll on the healthy mate. Added to that, is the fatigue and frustration from running around to care for the patient and their needs. Emotionally, such feelings of frustration, sadness, or even anger may become the new normal. Having to deal with their loved one’s deteriorating condition could never be an easy feat for a cancer patient’s mate.
Maybe the couple was actively working towards life goals. The interruption of these plans can cause mental struggles. The illness of a mate may force the healthy one to seek a job or increase their work hours to care for finances. . What is more, psychological conditions like depression, may rear their ugly heads. When interviewed, one woman told Buzzz Magazine she refuses to think of the future anymore, as it is upsetting; a man confessed although his wife is still alive, he has been without a wife for many months.
How do you come to the aid of families confronted with this challenge? Are we honest when we say ‘we understand’, having not been through the experience ourselves? Statistics reveal that many couples end up separated after having to deal with the effects of a cancer diagnosis. So, it is a real test of one’s commitment and loyalty.
To continue reading, purchase Vol.8 #8, 2016 Issue.