It’s that time of year when Christmas looms its expensive head and no one can truly prepare for the extent of Santa’s bearded villainy. 
Christmas comes with the obvious stresses; money, money and money are a few that come to mind. There are numerous ‘how to’ articles that help the unabashed penny pinchers to navigate the yuletide season, but few shed light on the other big elephant in the room; circumventing relationship pauperism. Yes, you read right, ‘pauperism’, because the passing of Christmas is said to be able to strip away all the vibrancy and promise a relationship boasted and leave in its wake misery, deprivation and the dreaded lonely start to the New Year.
Let us begin by stating the two primary activities you have to perform when Christmas comes knocking that often places a stress on intimate relationships:
The giving and in turn receiving of gifts and interacting with the in-laws.
Both activities come with their own unique set of challenges, but the how of navigating each is dependent on a certain level of introspection and honesty. Go to your quiet place and try to determine the intimacy level of your relationship. Then decide whether or not the level of intimacy matches your expectations.
Being honest with yourself can circumvent all the stress that can come from figuring out if you should purchase a gift for your partner and whether or not you should splurge or pinch on that gift. The same rings true for the inverse. Someone who knows that their relationship is not meant for the long haul harbours no expectations of receiving a gift and does not feel pressured to present one. All relationships have tell-tale signs; become a master at reading them and be honest with yourself and your partner.
Having answered the question, “To give or not to give”, we move on to the touchy subject of in-laws. But before we don our surgical gloves and treat with the touchy subject, we must acknowledge one truth. An introduction to your family or agreement to celebrate with your in-laws during the Christmas season means that you are in a committed relationship. If you are unsure about whether or not to commit to this person, then in-law/ partner mingling should not be mandated.
You may ask,
“What does being in a committed relationship change?”
Well, it should change the support you get from your partner. People who deeply care about each other and want to sustain their relationships become each other’s allies. For instance, when conversation becomes awkward at family dinners, try to gently change the subject as opposed to being indifferent.
This communicates to everyone present that you value your partner and your relationship.
Also, there may be occasions when your partner unwittingly does things that could be translated as an insult. Be quick to point these out privately and when the situation requires, play the conciliatory role so as not to dampen the festivity. Giving support is not a personality trait, it is a conscious decision that speaks volumes about your intentions and acts as a deterrent to potential relationship stressors.
The approach you take regarding supporting your partner at family events comes back to how honest you are with yourself. Human beings are very good at protecting the things they cherish, but should there be a hint of discontent then resentment flourishes and that instinct to protect wanes.
This leads me to conclude that Christmas isn’t the real threat to relationships. Our greatest threat comes from the person returning our gaze in the mirror.
Share this post:
It’s that time of year when Christmas looms its expensive head and no one can truly prepare for the extent of Santa’s bearded villainy.
Christmas comes with the obvious stresses; money, money and money are a few that come to mind. There are numerous ‘how to’ articles that help the unabashed penny pinchers to navigate the yuletide season, but few shed light on the other big elephant in the room; circumventing relationship pauperism. Yes, you read right, ‘pauperism’, because the passing of Christmas is said to be able to strip away all the vibrancy and promise a relationship boasted and leave in its wake misery, deprivation and the dreaded lonely start to the New Year.
Let us begin by stating the two primary activities you have to perform when Christmas comes knocking that often places a stress on intimate relationships:
The giving and in turn receiving of gifts and interacting with the in-laws.
Both activities come with their own unique set of challenges, but the how of navigating each is dependent on a certain level of introspection and honesty. Go to your quiet place and try to determine the intimacy level of your relationship. Then decide whether or not the level of intimacy matches your expectations.
Being honest with yourself can circumvent all the stress that can come from figuring out if you should purchase a gift for your partner and whether or not you should splurge or pinch on that gift. The same rings true for the inverse. Someone who knows that their relationship is not meant for the long haul harbours no expectations of receiving a gift and does not feel pressured to present one. All relationships have tell-tale signs; become a master at reading them and be honest with yourself and your partner.
Having answered the question, “To give or not to give”, we move on to the touchy subject of in-laws. But before we don our surgical gloves and treat with the touchy subject, we must acknowledge one truth. An introduction to your family or agreement to celebrate with your in-laws during the Christmas season means that you are in a committed relationship. If you are unsure about whether or not to commit to this person, then in-law/ partner mingling should not be mandated.
You may ask,
Well, it should change the support you get from your partner. People who deeply care about each other and want to sustain their relationships become each other’s allies. For instance, when conversation becomes awkward at family dinners, try to gently change the subject as opposed to being indifferent.
This communicates to everyone present that you value your partner and your relationship.
Also, there may be occasions when your partner unwittingly does things that could be translated as an insult. Be quick to point these out privately and when the situation requires, play the conciliatory role so as not to dampen the festivity. Giving support is not a personality trait, it is a conscious decision that speaks volumes about your intentions and acts as a deterrent to potential relationship stressors.
The approach you take regarding supporting your partner at family events comes back to how honest you are with yourself. Human beings are very good at protecting the things they cherish, but should there be a hint of discontent then resentment flourishes and that instinct to protect wanes.
This leads me to conclude that Christmas isn’t the real threat to relationships. Our greatest threat comes from the person returning our gaze in the mirror.
Share this post: