Nowadays, there are more single-parent, female-headed households than ever before. It’s hard enough being a woman – add being a mother, father and breadwinner… and where does that leave your love life? Probably non-existent for a while… But there will come a time when your libido starts resurfacing – what will you do then? Your B.O.B. (battery-operated boyfriend) might work for a while but nothing beats the warmth and comfort of a man’s strong arms around you. Now, the thought of getting back on the dating scene might seem daunting at first, but if you don’t try, it’ll never happen. Know that you’re not the first woman to have been left with a child, and you definitely won’t be the last.
When Shana’s* relationship ended, dating was the last thing on her mind… and two years later it’s still the last thing on her mind. “I met this guy and things were going great. Then he migrated and shortly after I found out I was pregnant. We tried to make it work but long distance relationships were never something I thought would work, and now I definitely know they don’t. I have gone on a few dates at the insistence of friends and family but I’m really not interested. I’m not looking to have a repeat. Right now the only man I care about is my son.” Shana’s experience shows that your mind has to be in the right place for anything to work. She’s just not interested in dating, so no matter how many dates she goes on, they just won’t work out.
Twenty-six-year-old Sash who was actually married for a while, is the proud mother of a 5-year-old boy; she shared her experience with Buzzz Magazine. “After my husband and I separated I became very depressed because I was a young mother who had so far enjoyed an ideal life for myself and my son. I wasn’t interested in dating as my child was my number one priority. Luckily for me I never really had to date or go back out on the market, because after my husband and I separated, my friend at the time completely filled that gap.”
Although it appeared that Sash had hit the jackpot, she was still very cautious about getting into anything serious. Furthermore, she was still having issues with her physical appearance after giving birth. “I was a bit shy and hesitant about opening up to a new man. Emotionally I was damaged, and I struggled with the physical effects of having a child. But when I decided to try again at love with my friend, he made it so easy. We’re happy together now, but I would advise that no woman keep her child a secret from a potential partner because if you think a man won’t accept you and your child, he’s really not worth it.”
From a man’s viewpoint, sometimes he may think that he will be taking on a lot of baggage, so he may weigh the challenges to see if it’s worth it. For 26-year-old accountant Jeffery, a woman with a child is a definite deal-breaker. “I’m not bashing single mothers. I grew up with just my mother raising me. But these days a woman with a child is just more trouble than it’s worth. Times are already hard enough to be courting a woman but to be thinking about a child that’s not even mine is pushing it. I want kids, yes- but kids of my own, that I helped to make.” Jeffery’s view is not unique, but neither is it the overwhelming choice.
Thirty-one-year-old Damion, a Police Officer, says he has no problems dating a woman with a child – provided that she does not expect him to take over the father figure role. “I’m currently dating a woman who has a seven-year-old son and it’s going good. His father is a strong presence in his life which doesn’t bother me because I know that he’s doing the right thing.
I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. What would have upset me is if she had kept it from me, which is exactly what happened to a friend of mine.” Ladies, in a situation such as this, full disclosure is clearly the best way to go.
Caleen Diedrick, a single mum, motivational speaker, transformational coach and founder of Fervida sex workshop sessions, was on hand to share some tips and strategies for single mothers to get back on the dating scene. “Some women have chosen to “shelf” themselves because of past hurts sustained at the hands of the “baby daddy” or other lovers. It is imperative that single mums so affected mentally cleanse themselves of the baggage in order to approach dating with an open mind. Take responsibility for the role you played in the demise of your relationship and move forward with the lessons learnt and an open mind.”
Some other practical tips that Caleen shared follow:
- Know that you deserve recreational time – Some single mothers become inundated with the challenges of caring for their child/children. Dating can inject new excitement and a sense of adventure that help to lift the mood and overall attitude of a single mom. Allow yourself to indulge.
- Introduce your child/children when you feel that the person of interest is a worthy candidate – Include your kids on outings with your guy and assess the interaction between them. Be patient, as some men take time to warm up to children. If you notice he has no connection with your child over a period of 3-6 months, or conversely he has an unhealthy preoccupation with the child, RUN AWAY.
- If the child/children are adolescents or older, get their input on your person of interest- Be mindful that children can become very possessive and protective of you, as such they might start acting out when it becomes apparent that mummy’s attention is now split. Facilitate open dialogue with them and allow them to interact with your person of interest in a relaxed environment. Reinforce that they will always be a priority for you.
- Ladies with confidence issues due to image concerns: I say “fix it or fall in love with it”- Get active. Start the gym or some other means of breaking a sweat. Revamp your wardrobe and with it your mindset of how you see yourself. Men are attracted to women who are self-assured. Fall in love with you again, faults and all, and exude that confidence.
Finally, Caleen says for those who might have lost their “mojo”, invest in classes that facilitate getting in touch with yourself emotionally, physically and sensually. Her Fervida lap dance classes serve this purpose.
The only way you’ll absolutely fail at dating is… if you don’t try it! *Names changed upon request.
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Nowadays, there are more single-parent, female-headed households than ever before. It’s hard enough being a woman – add being a mother, father and breadwinner… and where does that leave your love life? Probably non-existent for a while… But there will come a time when your libido starts resurfacing – what will you do then? Your B.O.B. (battery-operated boyfriend) might work for a while but nothing beats the warmth and comfort of a man’s strong arms around you. Now, the thought of getting back on the dating scene might seem daunting at first, but if you don’t try, it’ll never happen. Know that you’re not the first woman to have been left with a child, and you definitely won’t be the last.
When Shana’s* relationship ended, dating was the last thing on her mind… and two years later it’s still the last thing on her mind. “I met this guy and things were going great. Then he migrated and shortly after I found out I was pregnant. We tried to make it work but long distance relationships were never something I thought would work, and now I definitely know they don’t. I have gone on a few dates at the insistence of friends and family but I’m really not interested. I’m not looking to have a repeat. Right now the only man I care about is my son.” Shana’s experience shows that your mind has to be in the right place for anything to work. She’s just not interested in dating, so no matter how many dates she goes on, they just won’t work out.
Twenty-six-year-old Sash who was actually married for a while, is the proud mother of a 5-year-old boy; she shared her experience with Buzzz Magazine. “After my husband and I separated I became very depressed because I was a young mother who had so far enjoyed an ideal life for myself and my son. I wasn’t interested in dating as my child was my number one priority. Luckily for me I never really had to date or go back out on the market, because after my husband and I separated, my friend at the time completely filled that gap.”
Although it appeared that Sash had hit the jackpot, she was still very cautious about getting into anything serious. Furthermore, she was still having issues with her physical appearance after giving birth. “I was a bit shy and hesitant about opening up to a new man. Emotionally I was damaged, and I struggled with the physical effects of having a child. But when I decided to try again at love with my friend, he made it so easy. We’re happy together now, but I would advise that no woman keep her child a secret from a potential partner because if you think a man won’t accept you and your child, he’s really not worth it.”
From a man’s viewpoint, sometimes he may think that he will be taking on a lot of baggage, so he may weigh the challenges to see if it’s worth it. For 26-year-old accountant Jeffery, a woman with a child is a definite deal-breaker. “I’m not bashing single mothers. I grew up with just my mother raising me. But these days a woman with a child is just more trouble than it’s worth. Times are already hard enough to be courting a woman but to be thinking about a child that’s not even mine is pushing it. I want kids, yes- but kids of my own, that I helped to make.” Jeffery’s view is not unique, but neither is it the overwhelming choice.
Thirty-one-year-old Damion, a Police Officer, says he has no problems dating a woman with a child – provided that she does not expect him to take over the father figure role. “I’m currently dating a woman who has a seven-year-old son and it’s going good. His father is a strong presence in his life which doesn’t bother me because I know that he’s doing the right thing.
I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. What would have upset me is if she had kept it from me, which is exactly what happened to a friend of mine.” Ladies, in a situation such as this, full disclosure is clearly the best way to go.
Caleen Diedrick, a single mum, motivational speaker, transformational coach and founder of Fervida sex workshop sessions, was on hand to share some tips and strategies for single mothers to get back on the dating scene. “Some women have chosen to “shelf” themselves because of past hurts sustained at the hands of the “baby daddy” or other lovers. It is imperative that single mums so affected mentally cleanse themselves of the baggage in order to approach dating with an open mind. Take responsibility for the role you played in the demise of your relationship and move forward with the lessons learnt and an open mind.”
Some other practical tips that Caleen shared follow:
Finally, Caleen says for those who might have lost their “mojo”, invest in classes that facilitate getting in touch with yourself emotionally, physically and sensually. Her Fervida lap dance classes serve this purpose.
The only way you’ll absolutely fail at dating is… if you don’t try it! *Names changed upon request.
Share this post: