An affair can be defined as a secret sexual relationship. For some, infidelity is a deal breaker and is to be expected and for others, there may be a way back to love even after cheating.
Be clear on expectations of your partner
What does an affair mean to you? Does your partner agree? Kanye West so provocatively rapped “My heart ain’t got nothin’ to do with my penis.” His sentiments highlight the opinion of some that a sexual encounter without an emotional connection does not an affair make. Then there is the matter of open relationships and ‘situationships.’ If there is no agreement to be exclusive, can one really cheat?
Rebuilding trust and communication.
Trust is often the major casualty of infidelity. One of the ways to start rebuilding trust is by being willing to talk.
It is not uncommon for one partner to ask for details; even sexual details about the cheating. It may be uncomfortable for the unfaithful partner to answer these questions, but answering truthfully and honestly is Important to helping the other partner process and ultimately heal Of course, being provided with details will stir up deep emotions and there will be strong reactions. Here are some guidelines for how to handle this:
1. Set a time limit on discussing details of the affair. About 20-30 minutes per talk.
2. If one partner becomes upset, take a break and resume at another time. It is ideal in moving past the affair that the partners can talk about it without deep pain. This will take time. Do not try to fast track it by hashing out all the issues too quickly.
Taking Responsibility and Building Empathy
“You made me cheat because you didn’t…” is not taking responsibility. The partner who was unfaithful should own up without blaming anyone, not even the devious antics of the temptress or tempt er who ‘seduced’ you. Blaming won’t heal your relationship. Stopping the affair, showing sincere remorse and apologizing often will go a long way. Empathy (putting yourself in the other person’s shoes) can make a huge difference in whether or not an offended party chooses to stay and work things out. Be patient with them and do not expect them to gloss over your indiscretions on your timeline.
To Read More: Purchase your copy of Volume 9 #8 May-June 2018
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An affair can be defined as a secret sexual relationship. For some, infidelity is a deal breaker and is to be expected and for others, there may be a way back to love even after cheating.
Be clear on expectations of your partner
What does an affair mean to you? Does your partner agree? Kanye West so provocatively rapped “My heart ain’t got nothin’ to do with my penis.” His sentiments highlight the opinion of some that a sexual encounter without an emotional connection does not an affair make. Then there is the matter of open relationships and ‘situationships.’ If there is no agreement to be exclusive, can one really cheat?
Rebuilding trust and communication.
Trust is often the major casualty of infidelity. One of the ways to start rebuilding trust is by being willing to talk.
It is not uncommon for one partner to ask for details; even sexual details about the cheating. It may be uncomfortable for the unfaithful partner to answer these questions, but answering truthfully and honestly is Important to helping the other partner process and ultimately heal Of course, being provided with details will stir up deep emotions and there will be strong reactions. Here are some guidelines for how to handle this:
1. Set a time limit on discussing details of the affair. About 20-30 minutes per talk.
2. If one partner becomes upset, take a break and resume at another time. It is ideal in moving past the affair that the partners can talk about it without deep pain. This will take time. Do not try to fast track it by hashing out all the issues too quickly.
“You made me cheat because you didn’t…” is not taking responsibility. The partner who was unfaithful should own up without blaming anyone, not even the devious antics of the temptress or tempt er who ‘seduced’ you. Blaming won’t heal your relationship. Stopping the affair, showing sincere remorse and apologizing often will go a long way. Empathy (putting yourself in the other person’s shoes) can make a huge difference in whether or not an offended party chooses to stay and work things out. Be patient with them and do not expect them to gloss over your indiscretions on your timeline.
To Read More: Purchase your copy of Volume 9 #8 May-June 2018
Share this post: