Many are still disturbed when they think of the “sex talk” they had with their parents in their adolescent years. Further, if you were raised in the Caribbean, chances are your parents warned you against sex instead of having a frank and engaging conversation about the subject. This made a lot of us uncomfortable and embarrassed by the matter. Since we rarely openly discuss sexual issues with our parents, we did not learn how to communicate about sex and our needs. It has not occurred to us to develop sexual communication skills despite these being essential to healthy relationships. As a result, many couples often engage in sexual acts blindly, believing that they know what their spouse wants based on things they’ve heard from friends growing up, pornographic viewing, or entries they read online. This could potentially lead to unpleasant and awkward sexual acts that each partner pretends is satisfying, while their real needs and desires go unrecognized and unmet.
Here are a few suggestions on how to communicate your sexual desires with your partner: Start off with a promise to listen and respect each other’s wishes. Listening is the ultimate form of respect, this shows your partner how committed you are to the relationship and how much you are willing to make things work. Never start a sentence with, ‘You don’t …” or ‘You never…’ or ‘You always…’ Starting a sentence like this will only suggest to your partner that you have been having compounding thoughts about what they have or haven’t been doing in the bedroom. Though it may be coming from a good place, it may signal that there is a lack on their part, one that they fail to recognize. Be prepared; think about what you’ll say if he/she suggests something you’re not interested in.
Sharing your fantasies is an easy way to introduce novelty into your sex life but if your partner decides to suggest something you’re not interested in, be open-minded and try not to cut them off abruptly. Let your partner know how you feel, try to find a common ground, and consider meeting each other halfway.
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Many are still disturbed when they think of the “sex talk” they had with their parents in their adolescent
years. Further, if you were raised in the Caribbean, chances are your parents warned you against sex
instead of having a frank and engaging conversation about the subject. This made a lot of us uncomfortable and embarrassed by the matter. Since we rarely openly discuss sexual issues with our parents, we did not learn how to communicate about sex and our needs. It has not occurred to us to develop sexual communication skills despite these being essential to healthy relationships. As a result, many couples often engage in sexual acts blindly, believing that they know what their spouse wants based on things they’ve heard from friends growing up, pornographic viewing, or entries they read online. This could potentially lead to unpleasant and awkward sexual acts that each partner pretends is satisfying, while their real needs and desires go unrecognized and unmet.
Here are a few suggestions on how to
communicate your sexual desires with your partner:
Start off with a promise to listen and respect each other’s wishes. Listening is the ultimate form of respect, this shows your partner how committed you are to the relationship and how much you are willing to make things work. Never start a sentence with, ‘You don’t …” or ‘You never…’ or ‘You always…’ Starting a sentence like this will only suggest to your partner that you have been having compounding thoughts about what they have or haven’t been doing in the bedroom. Though it may be coming from a good place, it may signal that there is a lack on their part,
one that they fail to recognize. Be prepared; think about what you’ll say if he/she suggests something you’re not
interested in.
Sharing your fantasies is an easy way to introduce novelty into your sex life but if your partner decides to suggest something you’re not interested in, be open-minded and try not to cut them off abruptly. Let your partner know how you feel, try to find a common ground, and consider meeting each other halfway.
Share this post: