In Law, there is a popular maxim which provides that “equity aids the vigilant, not those who slumber on their rights” and for forty years, Iva T. Louise has been having her ‘equal’ slice…of another woman’s man, whether because the anointed wife is asleep at matrimony, or Louise’s sharp and soulful eyes are that much more vigilant at life, I do not know.
What is clear is that at 74 years old, she is as sharp witted, good humoured and radiant as they come, with a jaw dropping story chronicled in her 160 age book, Mistress Secrets: A Memoir. In it, the mother of three, moves to challenge traditional beliefs surrounding womanhood, love, sex, relationships and life; affirming the important role of a mistress in marriage, as according to her, “One woman is not enough…for all”.
I was curious to find out more about Iva, both as an individual growing up in rural Jamaica and her philosophy on the matter, especially since her open embrace seemed so new, almost frightening! Of course, in Western society, the mistress is largely a hidden role that brings shame and discomfort for all involved, though an increasing segment of modern society seems to be embracing the concept quite shamelessly. In Jamaica, we call her the ‘matie’, super villain in mortal combat with the hallowed wife, often ridiculed in Dancehall lyrics for her perceived comparative incompetence in pleasing the man sexually.
What is the reason for Iva’s open embrace of the mistress’ lifestyle? How has she managed to maintain this relationship for so many years? And what caused her to decide that this is the life she wants to live?
Attending the launch of her book late last year at an upscale residence in Kingston, I met Iva for the first time. A short, soft spoken lady with perceptive eyes and an air of genteel, we spoke briefly about her book.
“Do not barter your man over his wife” is the advice she gives to other women who assume the role of mistress, “do not try to claim or own your lover…do not let his wife know of your existence. Keeping the relationship secret is useful to the mistress. Constantly monitor your thoughts, feelings and emotions, embrace yourself and him fully as if it’s the last time. Accept the part of you that lives on borrowed time; acceptance is the best solution for a joyous and happier life. Having and enjoying sex is not a sin; observing our feelings and registering our experiences help us to know and understand ourselves. Love without attachment or identification is the best love of all.”
To continue reading , purchase Vol. 7 #8 2015 issue
Share this post:
In Law, there is a popular maxim which provides that “equity aids the vigilant, not those who slumber on their rights” and for forty years, Iva T. Louise has been having her ‘equal’ slice…of another woman’s man, whether because the anointed wife is asleep at matrimony, or Louise’s sharp and soulful eyes are that much more vigilant at life, I do not know.
What is clear is that at 74 years old, she is as sharp witted, good humoured and radiant as they come, with a jaw dropping story chronicled in her 160 age book, Mistress Secrets: A Memoir. In it, the mother of three, moves to challenge traditional beliefs surrounding womanhood, love, sex, relationships and life; affirming the important role of a mistress in marriage, as according to her, “One woman is not enough…for all”.
I was curious to find out more about Iva, both as an individual growing up in rural Jamaica and her philosophy on the matter, especially since her open embrace seemed so new, almost frightening! Of course, in Western society, the mistress is largely a hidden role that brings shame and discomfort for all involved, though an increasing segment of modern society seems to be embracing the concept quite shamelessly. In Jamaica, we call her the ‘matie’, super villain in mortal combat with the hallowed wife, often ridiculed in Dancehall lyrics for her perceived comparative incompetence in pleasing the man sexually.
What is the reason for Iva’s open embrace of the mistress’ lifestyle? How has she managed to maintain this relationship for so many years? And what caused her to decide that this is the life she wants to live?
Attending the launch of her book late last year at an upscale residence in Kingston, I met Iva for the first time. A short, soft spoken lady with perceptive eyes and an air of genteel, we spoke briefly about her book.
“Do not barter your man over his wife” is the advice she gives to other women who assume the role of mistress, “do not try to claim or own your lover…do not let his wife know of your existence. Keeping the relationship secret is useful to the mistress. Constantly monitor your thoughts, feelings and emotions, embrace yourself and him fully as if it’s the last time. Accept the part of you that lives on borrowed time; acceptance is the best solution for a joyous and happier life. Having and enjoying sex is not a sin; observing our feelings and registering our experiences help us to know and understand ourselves. Love without attachment or identification is the best love of all.”
To continue reading , purchase Vol. 7 #8 2015 issue
Share this post: