They say it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. If you’ve ever been in love, you may agree because there’s just no emotional journey which feels quite like it, particularly the early stages. Your new love is the first thing on your mind when you awake and the last thing before you close your eyes to sleep, and, oh, those butterflies in the stomach. He or she is the most beautiful person on the planet (in your eyes), there’s barely a flaw to find, you can’t stop talking about him or her, can’t wait for the next time you see him/her, those lengthy phone calls that run into midnight as you both tell each other to hang up, you laugh at every silly joke, you constantly speak of him or her, you’re thinking about a future with the love you believe will last forever. Unfortunately, being in love doesn’t last forever. At some point during the relationship you will arrive at a crossroads at which it either evolves into a long-term relationship, or it dissolves and you must say goodbye.
It’s a thin line between love and hate. Months or years of bliss can turn to sorrow without a moment’s notice. Still, one of the toughest decisions you will ever face in your adult life is walking away from a relationship. Why is it such a tough call when you’re unhappy? It’s one of those questions to which you would respond “it’s easier said than done”, even as friends and family criticise you either openly or secretly, such as in a case when the partner is abusive or unfaithful. These are perhaps the most common reasons for leaving a relationship. But there are other seemingly insignificant underlying issues that are enough to cause damage, and this is when it becomes complicated. Leaving the one you love is a decision only you can make, perhaps when your heart is ready, as the pain in leaving can be so much greater sometimes. So you ask yourself, when is the right time to leave?
Communication Breakdown
Too often we underestimate the immense value of communication in our relationships. Men are often accused of not fulfilling this need that women tend to have. Women are natural talkers and so they thrive on a good conversation. She wants to be heard and she wants to hear from you about the silly things as much as the major ones. A breakdown in communication can cause serious harm to a relationship. If you find that your partner never has time to talk or listen, it could be an ominous sign of bigger problems to come. A few of these problems may be: unresolved issues, having an affair or the person may just be in it for the sex.
Broken Trust
Forgive and forget is easier said than done. When we think of broken trust in a relationship, the first thing that comes to mind is infidelity, since it is the most common form of betrayal between partners. The thought of a partner leaving the matrimonial bed to be with another is too much for some to bear, as insecurity sets in and questions are raised such as to what one didn’t have that another did? What if he or she contracted a sexually transmitted disease? Can I trust him or her not to do it again? These questions linger and lead to insecurity, which causes one to constantly track the other’s movements or cast doubt on whatever is said. Interestingly, this can annoy or offend the guilty party who is perhaps trying to make up for the wrong which was done. The prospect of a harmonious relationship becomes next to impossible.
Personality Clashes
Opposites attract. Yeah right! Unfortunately, humans don’t always replicate batteries or any other law of physics and differences in personalities spark the wrong kind of fire. Let’s say for example, you’re outgoing, but he or she is a homebody or a couch potato. So in love are you that you ignore this little fact and proceed nonetheless because you’re confident you will find a way to convince your partner to go out a few times. But what if it never happens? Are you prepared to carry on without a social life involving your partner? No date nights, road trips, vacations; showing up at a friend’s wedding or family reunion alone, etc. Many have made the fatal error of trying to change their partner. Ask yourself from the get-go, am I prepared to live with this? If the answer is ‘yes’, you’ve got a winner. If no, then do not embark on trying to change anyone. It most certainly will backfire.
Abuse
Abuse, be it physical, verbal or emotional, leaves very little to contemplate. Some might say this is a no-brainer. But for the abused woman who wants to give him just one more chance, it may not happen again; perhaps, if she had done things right before, it might not have happened. After all, he’s the kindest man she knows and he did say he was sorry. Sadly, as we have seen too often on the evening news, the result of this is death. Once is enough. It is highly likely it will happen again, no matter how sorry he is. Get out of Dodge while you’re still alive. Emotional abuse is by no means a lighter form than the physical. Some psychologists believe the emotional scars supersede the physical ones, as it can lower self-esteem or confidence, enough to have a lasting impact for life.
Purchase issue #8 Vol. 7, to continue reading.
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They say it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. If you’ve ever been in love, you may agree because there’s just no emotional journey which feels quite like it, particularly the early stages. Your new love is the first thing on your mind when you awake and the last thing before you close your eyes to sleep, and, oh, those butterflies in the stomach. He or she is the most beautiful person on the planet (in your eyes), there’s barely a flaw to find, you can’t stop talking about him or her, can’t wait for the next time you see him/her, those lengthy phone calls that run into midnight as you both tell each other to hang up, you laugh at every silly joke, you constantly speak of him or her, you’re thinking about a future with the love you believe will last forever. Unfortunately, being in love doesn’t last forever. At some point during the relationship you will arrive at a crossroads at which it either evolves into a long-term relationship, or it dissolves and you must say goodbye.
It’s a thin line between love and hate. Months or years of bliss can turn to sorrow without a moment’s notice. Still, one of the toughest decisions you will ever face in your adult life is walking away from a relationship. Why is it such a tough call when you’re unhappy? It’s one of those questions to which you would respond “it’s easier said than done”, even as friends and family criticise you either openly or secretly, such as in a case when the partner is abusive or unfaithful. These are perhaps the most common reasons for leaving a relationship. But there are other seemingly insignificant underlying issues that are enough to cause damage, and this is when it becomes complicated. Leaving the one you love is a decision only you can make, perhaps when your heart is ready, as the pain in leaving can be so much greater sometimes. So you ask yourself, when is the right time to leave?
Communication Breakdown
Too often we underestimate the immense value of communication in our relationships. Men are often accused of not fulfilling this need that women tend to have. Women are natural talkers and so they thrive on a good conversation. She wants to be heard and she wants to hear from you about the silly things as much as the major ones. A breakdown in communication can cause serious harm to a relationship. If you find that your partner never has time to talk or listen, it could be an ominous sign of bigger problems to come. A few of these problems may be: unresolved issues, having an affair or the person may just be in it for the sex.
Broken Trust
Forgive and forget is easier said than done. When we think of broken trust in a relationship, the first thing that comes to mind is infidelity, since it is the most common form of betrayal between partners. The thought of a partner leaving the matrimonial bed to be with another is too much for some to bear, as insecurity sets in and questions are raised such as to what one didn’t have that another did? What if he or she contracted a sexually transmitted disease? Can I trust him or her not to do it again? These questions linger and lead to insecurity, which causes one to constantly track the other’s movements or cast doubt on whatever is said. Interestingly, this can annoy or offend the guilty party who is perhaps trying to make up for the wrong which was done. The prospect of a harmonious relationship becomes next to impossible.
Personality Clashes
Opposites attract. Yeah right! Unfortunately, humans don’t always replicate batteries or any other law of physics and differences in personalities spark the wrong kind of fire. Let’s say for example, you’re outgoing, but he or she is a homebody or a couch potato. So in love are you that you ignore this little fact and proceed nonetheless because you’re confident you will find a way to convince your partner to go out a few times. But what if it never happens? Are you prepared to carry on without a social life involving your partner? No date nights, road trips, vacations; showing up at a friend’s wedding or family reunion alone, etc. Many have made the fatal error of trying to change their partner. Ask yourself from the get-go, am I prepared to live with this? If the answer is ‘yes’, you’ve got a winner. If no, then do not embark on trying to change anyone. It most certainly will backfire.
Abuse
Abuse, be it physical, verbal or emotional, leaves very little to contemplate. Some might say this is a no-brainer. But for the abused woman who wants to give him just one more chance, it may not happen again; perhaps, if she had done things right before, it might not have happened. After all, he’s the kindest man she knows and he did say he was sorry. Sadly, as we have seen too often on the evening news, the result of this is death. Once is enough. It is highly likely it will happen again, no matter how sorry he is. Get out of Dodge while you’re still alive. Emotional abuse is by no means a lighter form than the physical. Some psychologists believe the emotional scars supersede the physical ones, as it can lower self-esteem or confidence, enough to have a lasting impact for life.
Purchase issue #8 Vol. 7, to continue reading.
Share this post: